Five Ways to Start Healing Your Wounds

Healing deep emotional wounds is a process of reclaiming your power and identity from the pain. It doesn’t happen overnight, but you can take concrete steps to begin moving out of the hurt and into a healthier, happier life. Below are five methods to kick-start your healing journey:

Recognize the Pattern and Decide to Heal: The first step is awareness. Acknowledge if you have been holding onto a wound and identifying with it. Notice your self-talk and how often your past suffering comes up in your thoughts or conversations. You cannot change what you don’t recognize. Once you see the pattern, make a conscious decision to break free from it. This means actively choosing not to let your trauma define you anymore. For example, if you catch yourself saying “I can’t do X because I was hurt,” pause and challenge that thought. Commit to a new narrative: “I am more than my wound, and I am choosing to heal.” This mindset shift – from victim to empowered survivor – sets the foundation for all other healing steps. Breaking free requires focusing on your strengths and resilience rather than your injuries, and viewing challenges as opportunities for growth instead of identity markers. In short, reclaim your story from the hurt.

Stop “Feeding” the Wound – Express, Then Let Go: While it’s important to acknowledge pain, there’s a difference between healthy expression and endlessly replaying the victim story. To heal, you must stop fueling the wound with constant attention. That might mean limiting how often you talk about it to others and catching yourself when you’re dwelling on past hurts. This doesn’t mean denial; it means balanced processing. You might write in a private journal or speak to a therapist or coach to productively process your emotions – but set an intention that you are doing so to release the pain, not to reinforce it. Be mindful of any habit of bringing up your suffering to gain sympathy or to avoid something. When thoughts of the trauma arise, practice techniques to gently shift your focus: for instance, grounding yourself in the present moment (look around and name things you see/hear), engaging in an activity you enjoy, or affirming, “I am safe now; I am moving forward.” By reducing the amount of time and energy you give to reliving the wound, you slowly starve its hold on you. Remember: “Verbs heal, nouns don’t.” In other words, healing comes through active steps you take, rather than just naming yourself a “victim” or clinging to the wound. Take action to release the pain instead of continually naming and keeping it.

Practice Forgiveness – Release Resentment and Shame: Forgiveness is a powerful healer, even though it can be one of the hardest steps. This isn’t about condoning what happened or absolving a wrongdoer of blame; it’s about liberating yourself from the toxic grip of resentment, anger, or self-blame. Holding onto anger or guilt is like holding onto a hot coal – it only burns you. By forgiving – whether it’s forgiving someone who hurt you or forgiving yourself for mistakes – you release emotional burdens and free up energy for healing. Think of it as cutting a cord that ties you to the pain of the past. You might perform a small ritual, like writing a letter expressing all your hurt and then symbolically destroying it, to signify letting go. Or simply repeat a mantra of forgiveness in meditation. Even if you’re not ready to forgive a particular person, you can start with the willingness to forgive, for your own sake. In time, forgiveness can lighten your emotional load and make room for new, positive experiences. It’s a gift to yourself: forgiveness frees up the energy necessary for healing – energy you can now use to build a better future.

Create a New Vision and Plan for Yourself: One reason people fear healing is that they don’t know who they’ll be without their old story. So, start actively imagining and planning for the new, healed you. Ask yourself: “If I were no longer carrying this wound as my identity, what would I want to do or become?” Begin setting goals and engaging in activities that align with the life you desire beyond the pain. It’s often helpful to start small. Perhaps you used to love painting or dancing before trauma derailed you – consider taking a class or carving out time to rekindle that passion. Maybe the wound made you feel unworthy of good things; challenge that by intentionally doing things that make you happy or investing in self-improvement (take a course, plan a trip, update your resume – whatever feels meaningful to you). Action is crucial in this stage. Taking proactive steps ignites the healing fire within. This could include practical changes like learning to say “no” to unhealthy dynamics, managing your time better to reduce stress, or changing any routine that keeps you stuck. Each small victory – completing an exercise routine, applying for a job, decluttering your space, meeting a new friend – helps rebuild your sense of capability and wholeness. By setting realistic goals and achieving them, you prove to yourself that you are not defined by the wound and you can create a fulfilling life. Celebrate these steps; they are evidence that healing is happening.

Build Healthy Support and Seek Guidance: Healing isn’t a solo journey. It’s very important to surround yourself with people and resources that support your forward growth (and to distance yourself from those that keep you stuck in the past). Seek out a therapist, counselor, or coach who has a healing-oriented approach – someone who shows empathy for what you’ve been through but also actively works with you on building coping skills, resilience, and a new life story. A good therapist or trauma-informed coach can provide a safe space to process your pain and also gently challenge you when you’re falling into self-pity or defeatist thinking. In addition to professional help, look for peer support that uplifts. This might be a support group geared toward recovery and empowerment (as opposed to just venting). Notice how you feel around certain friends or family – do they encourage your growth or do they only commiserate and dwell on negatives? Try to balance your circle with people who will listen compassionately and remind you of your strength and potential. Sometimes, healing may involve setting boundaries with those who trigger you or perpetuate your victim identity. It’s okay – and often necessary – to say, “I’m focusing on moving forward, so I prefer not to discuss that old topic in detail anymore,” to someone who constantly brings up your past. Finally, don’t hesitate to tap into healing workshops, books, or courses. These can introduce you to new techniques (mindfulness, breathing exercises, cognitive reframing, etc.) and connect you with a community of people actively working on healing. By assembling a support system and toolkit for yourself, you create an environment where healing becomes not just possible, but inevitable. You’re essentially replacing the negative feedback loop with a positive support network geared toward wellness.

Each of these methods works together. As you recognize your wound-holding patterns, express then release your pain, practice forgiveness, take constructive action, and lean on positive support, you’ll find the old wound slowly losing its grip. Healing is rarely linear – there may be setbacks or days you feel yourself sliding into old habits of thought. That’s okay. Keep returning to these practices. Over time, the new mindset of health and wholeness will take root. You’ll start to feel more “yourself” – not your wounded self, but your authentic, capable, and whole self that was waiting behind the wounds.

References: Caroline Myss, Marianne Williamson, various contributions from therapy and coaching blogs, and psychological insights into trauma, identity, and healing.